Every night at the dinner table when I was a teenager, Jack would ask me what I wanted to do with my life. My answer was always the same. "I want to be happy." I could not envision any one thing that could sustain me throughout my entire life, and I could not come up with a clearer answer for him. I really wished I could.
"You can't be happy!" He'd yell at me. "Life doesn't work that way."
I disagreed then, and I still do. I also don't believe it's a matter of chasing happiness, because if you're chasing it, you haven't got it!
I'm pleased to report that I've proven myself right after all. I didn't follow any of the rules. I didn't follow any of the paths laid out for me by my family or teachers. I'd try one path for a while, then another. I stumbled around and did stupid stuff that made me feel bad about myself. I used to think of those dark times in my life, and feel guilty, but that never did me any good, so I began to look at my mistakes as opportunities for growth. Any time an ugly memory would crop up, I'd look for the lesson. Where had that lesson taken me that I might not otherwise have gone?
I have also discovered that the teenage me was right in thinking that no one thing can hold my attention throughout my entire life. I've since done many things. So many, in fact, that people sometimes doubt that the stories of my exploits are true. But I really have done all the things I claim to have done. I've been all those places. I love the challenge of a new place or a new idea or a new skill to be learned. That brings me joy. When I am engaged in an activity that brings me joy, my enthusiasiam makes other people around me happy as well. That's some pay off!
I still fret and worry and get angry sometimes, but I've learned to stop and examine my thoughts when I start feeling less than wonderful. I track them back to their source and weigh their validity. Is there something I can do about the issue? (If it's out of my hands, I will ask the Almighty to help with it, then let it go.) Is there a lesson to be learned from it? Or is it merely counter productive? Then I follow the worry into an imaginary future. What if the worst possible case scenario should play out? How bad could it be? How could I deal with it?
Once I've shed all this light on my problem it seems much smaller and more manageable, and I look for something to make myself feel better. This is often as simple as painting my toe nails or cleaning out a closet! In fact the easiest pick-me-up I know is to simply listen to music I like.
I never feel powerless. I can't understand how people can allow other people to control them. Fear serves a purpose, but I refuse to allow it to rule my life. I think many people watch too much television! Maybe they actually believe every third person they meet is a rapist or murderer. (Have you noticed all the crime programs on the t.v.? It's NUTS!) Watching all that gore can't be good for us. So I rarely watch it. It's one of those things that brings me down. I create beautiful things on my computer, in my kitchen or garden instead. (And my beautiful children are my proudest creations of all. They're already so much smarter and more beautiful than I am.)
Money makes our world go 'round, and the need for it drives us from situation to situation. It keeps up moving. We'd probably be a race of couch potatoes if we didn't have to earn a living, so rather than curse it, I've learned to see it as a way shower. I use my feelings as my guide. When I meet resistance to an idea, or feel doubt about it, I look for another idea that I feel good about. Then I stay with that scheme for as long as it feels good. The example is the yachts, where I spent 15 years... When I began to hate my job, I knew it was time to leave, and I did. I admit that my extra-special husband has helped a lot, and I have leaned heavily on him at times, but that's what husbands and wives do. But if I go further with that line of thought I'll have to write a whole book here!
I don't think Jack really believed that being happy in life was impossible. He just never connected the fact that when he was happy everything worked better. At least he never admitted it to me! And there's always the possibility that he was just winding me up!
"You can't be happy!" He'd yell at me. "Life doesn't work that way."
I disagreed then, and I still do. I also don't believe it's a matter of chasing happiness, because if you're chasing it, you haven't got it!
I'm pleased to report that I've proven myself right after all. I didn't follow any of the rules. I didn't follow any of the paths laid out for me by my family or teachers. I'd try one path for a while, then another. I stumbled around and did stupid stuff that made me feel bad about myself. I used to think of those dark times in my life, and feel guilty, but that never did me any good, so I began to look at my mistakes as opportunities for growth. Any time an ugly memory would crop up, I'd look for the lesson. Where had that lesson taken me that I might not otherwise have gone?
I have also discovered that the teenage me was right in thinking that no one thing can hold my attention throughout my entire life. I've since done many things. So many, in fact, that people sometimes doubt that the stories of my exploits are true. But I really have done all the things I claim to have done. I've been all those places. I love the challenge of a new place or a new idea or a new skill to be learned. That brings me joy. When I am engaged in an activity that brings me joy, my enthusiasiam makes other people around me happy as well. That's some pay off!
I still fret and worry and get angry sometimes, but I've learned to stop and examine my thoughts when I start feeling less than wonderful. I track them back to their source and weigh their validity. Is there something I can do about the issue? (If it's out of my hands, I will ask the Almighty to help with it, then let it go.) Is there a lesson to be learned from it? Or is it merely counter productive? Then I follow the worry into an imaginary future. What if the worst possible case scenario should play out? How bad could it be? How could I deal with it?
Once I've shed all this light on my problem it seems much smaller and more manageable, and I look for something to make myself feel better. This is often as simple as painting my toe nails or cleaning out a closet! In fact the easiest pick-me-up I know is to simply listen to music I like.
I never feel powerless. I can't understand how people can allow other people to control them. Fear serves a purpose, but I refuse to allow it to rule my life. I think many people watch too much television! Maybe they actually believe every third person they meet is a rapist or murderer. (Have you noticed all the crime programs on the t.v.? It's NUTS!) Watching all that gore can't be good for us. So I rarely watch it. It's one of those things that brings me down. I create beautiful things on my computer, in my kitchen or garden instead. (And my beautiful children are my proudest creations of all. They're already so much smarter and more beautiful than I am.)
Money makes our world go 'round, and the need for it drives us from situation to situation. It keeps up moving. We'd probably be a race of couch potatoes if we didn't have to earn a living, so rather than curse it, I've learned to see it as a way shower. I use my feelings as my guide. When I meet resistance to an idea, or feel doubt about it, I look for another idea that I feel good about. Then I stay with that scheme for as long as it feels good. The example is the yachts, where I spent 15 years... When I began to hate my job, I knew it was time to leave, and I did. I admit that my extra-special husband has helped a lot, and I have leaned heavily on him at times, but that's what husbands and wives do. But if I go further with that line of thought I'll have to write a whole book here!
I don't think Jack really believed that being happy in life was impossible. He just never connected the fact that when he was happy everything worked better. At least he never admitted it to me! And there's always the possibility that he was just winding me up!